1st Draft Review

Writer/ Sandra    Reviewer/ Mandy Marcus

2) whats going on, is this real?, this is so cool, there's music I like in here, that was so cool.

3) Identified Thesis:
"They did not use sex, women, or men to get your attention. You do not even know what kind of commercial it is until the end. They used the one thing that many people enjoy; music and dancing."
Supporting Points: "The dancing was clean and original, it made you just want to be a part of it."
"They wanted it to be obvious that there are so many different ways one can use their phone."
"The way they used the different types of music and dancing made it appealing to everyone so everyone who wants to participate can, young people are dancing to oldies and even older people are dancing to newer music."
4) Paragraph 1- Other (Introduction)
Paragraph 2- Summary
Paragraph 3- Summary
Paragraph 4- Argument
Paragraph 5- (there is a sentence that is separated and looks like a potential for a new paragraph or an addition to the last paragraph.) Argument
Paragraph 6- (Ethos, Pathos, Logos) Argument
Add one more for a closing paragraph and it looks great!
5) I think you did really great with this commercial, you looked at it from some really great perspectives.